Thursday, May 9, 2013

The Winners and Losers of Goalie Magic

Despite Ilya Bryzgalov's theory I can confirm
Goalie Magic is not extraterrestrial.
The Vezina Trophy candidates were announced yesterday and our three finalist include two undrafted free agents and a goalie drafted 205th overall. This got me thinking. When was the last time the Vezina winning goalie was a first round draft pick? Obviously it was Martin Brodeur but how about before that? It was Olaf Kolzig in the 1999-2000 season. I went ahead and looked at every Vezina winner compared to every Hart Trophy winner since 1992 related to where they were drafted.

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Trade Deadline Recap "from 24 hours before the deadline"

With the first pick of the 2013 draft the Calgary Flames select
        from the Malmo Redhawks Andre Burakowsky.
Trade deadline is a wonderful time of year for hockey fans. A time when we huddle around our TV’s and twitter feeds to find out that in fact nothing interesting has actually happened. This year will be different though. This year we have a high profile player who is rumored to be on his way out for a while now and there is no way he won’t get traded, right? The only downside to all this exciting deadline day action is that you have to skip work and forget about the outside world for entire day. Well, as always I’m here to help you skip all the boring awkward downtime of trade deadline day coverage and just give you all the highlights now.

-Florida Panthers GM Dave Tallon has set up an auto-call reminding other GMs that they still have solid veteran players available such as Jerred Smithson and Marcel Goc.

-In a somewhat less surprising turn of events than it should be, Jay Feaster announces that he has traded Miikka Kiprusoff to every team in the league for a 1st round draft pick and a college prospect whose last name ends in “owski”.

-A confused looking Peter Chiarelli calls for a press conference at 2 in the morning to announce that Zdeno Chara has been traded to the Pittsburgh Penguins for an 8th round draft pick and the rights to Taro Tsujimoto.

-In a last ditch effort to keep their Stanley Cup hopes alive, the Philadelphia Flyers have traded their entire roster to the Los Angeles Kings.

-The Buffalo Sabres kick off their fire sale event by offering free signing bonuses to whoever will take some contracts off their hands. Although it should be pointed out that Terrence Pegula hands out signing bonuses to everyone he meets.

-In a stunning turn of events, Roberto Luongo has been traded to.... Find out next time on our 2014 Trade Deadline Recap.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Anti - Streaks

"Hey aren't you supposed to be completely naked when
you're streaking" "Well aren't you supposed to read the CBA
before handing out offer sheets."
Today in the NHL: The Columbus Blue Jackets look to continue their 5 game winning streak before hosting the Chicago Blackhawks, who will be looking to end a 2 game losing streak, on Thursday. Wait a second... After double and triple checking, it looks like that is indeed the case. Well, that kinda ruins my whole NHL streaks post I was planning on doing. This is sort of awkward. How about streaks in the NHL of things that rarely happen? Like the Blackhawks losing or the Blue Jackets winning. Well, as it turns out there has been quite a few of those in the past week. Lets take a look and see what they are.

Scott Gomez - SCOTT GOMEZ IS ON A GOAL SCORING STREAK!!!!! Oh thank you Eddie Shore. I decide to make a post about streaks and you deliver oh so well. It's like Christmas morning, in the sense that this only happens once a year. Granted his two goals were separated by a game where he was held pointless, but it's Scott Gomez. I think we can let him have this one.

Wade Redden - WADE REDDEN IS ON A POINTS STREAK!!!!! HOLY PIROUETTING ZDENO CHARA BATMAN!!! I think we should all take a second to move to our respective apocalypse shelters that we built for 2012. Looks like we'll finally get a use for those.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

What The NHL is Giving Up for Lent

As soon as they drop out of the playoff race,

this is where they put all non French speaking

members of the organization.
Ask any fan (A real one, not one of the fans that the Phoenix Coyotes retweet everyday. Seriously guys, the more you try to look like you have fans, the sadder it becomes), and they will tell you that hockey is a religion. Normally, Lent is celebrated by the Maple Leafs giving up all hopes of the playoffs, but despite James Reimer's best efforts to obtain a season ending injury they are still in it. Some purists may think the absence of this sacrifice is sacrilegious, but don’t worry. Others are picking up the slack and making sacrifices of their own to bring balance to the NHL.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Where The Mighty Ducks Are Now

And then he just came up to me in an alley and asked me
if I wanted to play for his hockey team.

Recently I was watching an Edmonton Oilers game, when I saw them pull off the patented Flying V. Seeing that brought back memories: Winning against the rich kids with the horribly unethical coach after being taught how to play hockey by my alcoholic coach. Then beating Team Iceland and their horribly unethical coach while my coach is more concerned with his image. Then rejecting the first good coach I’ve ever had, only to realize that he is actually good, and beating the Varsity team with an unethical and stupid coach.