Thursday, May 9, 2013

The Winners and Losers of Goalie Magic

Despite Ilya Bryzgalov's theory I can confirm
Goalie Magic is not extraterrestrial.
The Vezina Trophy candidates were announced yesterday and our three finalist include two undrafted free agents and a goalie drafted 205th overall. This got me thinking. When was the last time the Vezina winning goalie was a first round draft pick? Obviously it was Martin Brodeur but how about before that? It was Olaf Kolzig in the 1999-2000 season. I went ahead and looked at every Vezina winner compared to every Hart Trophy winner since 1992 related to where they were drafted.




1992-1993
Ed Belfour
UD
1
Mario Lemieux
1993-1994
Dominik Hasek
199
74
Sergei Fedorov
1994-1995
Dominik Hasek
199
1
Eric Lindros
1995-1996
Jim Carey
32
1
Mario Lemieux
1996-1997
Dominik Hasek
199
199
Dominik Hasek
1997-1998
Dominik Hasek
199
199
Dominik Hasek
1998-1999
Jesus Christ
199
5
Jaromir Jagr
1999-2000
Olaf Kolzig
19
2
Chris Pronger
2000-2001
Dominik Hasek
199
15
Joe Sakic
2001-2002
Jose Theodore
44
44
Jose Theodore
2002-2003
Martin Brodeur
20
6
Peter Forsberg
2003-2004
Martin Brodeur
20
UD
Martin St.Louis
2004-2005
Jeremy Jacobs


Gary Bettman
2005-2006
Miikka Kiprusoff
116
1
Joe Thornton
2006-2007
Moses
20
1
Sidney Crosby
2007-2008
Martin Brodeur
20
2
Alexander Ovechkin
2008-2009
Tim Thomas
217
2
Alexander Ovechkin
2009-2010
Ryan Miller
138
3
Henrik Sedin
2010-2011
Tim Thomas
217
28
Corey Perry
2011-2012
Henrik Lundqvist
205
2
Evgeni Malkin


There seems to be a trend here. Besides the obvious one of holy shit Dominik Hasek is absurd but, rather theres seems to be lower numbers on the right than the left. Now most of you probably don’t care but I bet a few of you are curious to why this happens. Well you are in luck because I am about to save you the sleepless nights that it takes to discover why this is. Goalie Magic. Goalie Magic is running through every goalie everywhere. Think of Goalie Magic as the Force only for hockey. It’s how Tim Thomas can come out of nowhere at 30 something years old and win 2 Vezinas and the Conn Smyth but Rick Dipietro is back stopping an AHL team. Goalie Magic is all powerful and is literally the only thing between you and being a starting goalie in the NHL (except for the Flyers. The only thing between you and the starting job for the Flyers is that you don’t own goalie pads yet.). It can give you skill and then as soon as it gives it to you it can take it away. Do you think I am crazy? Allow me to prove it to you.


Andrew Raycroft - Loser - Raycroft broke onto the scene in 2003 at the young age of 23 and with the help of Goalie Magic captured the Calder. The prevailing theory is that Raycroft then annoyed the Goalie Magic who then took all of Raycroft’s talent and then to show its sense of humor gave all of that talent and then some to Tuukka Rask


Henrik Lundqvist - Winner - Legend has it Goalie Magic impregnated a Swedish model through immaculate conception. There was so much raw talent that a second child was needed for the excess.


Martin Brodeur - Winner - It is unclear whether continued exposure to the source of Goalie Magic is required for continued success but just to be safe I have a team following Martin Brodeur.


Steve Mason - Loser - Steve Mason shares many similarities with Andrew Raycroft. Winning the Calder in 2009 at an even younger age of 21 again with the help of Goalie Magic. However instead of just annoying the Goalie Magic, Mason down right pissed it off.


Antti Niemi - Winner - Antti Niemi spent the early part of his career as a Zamboni driver. He then presumably did some type of good deed that pleased the Goalie Magic. Perhaps he helped some young child practice hockey in the wee hours of the night like all Finnish athletes.


Rick Dipietro - Loser - I like Rick Dipietro. I’m a big fan of the comeback story. However Goalie Magic down right hates first overall draft picks. Fleury has had some success but by no means elite.  


The Philadelphia Flyers - Loser - I won’t say that Santa and Goalie Magic are friends but the Flyers drafted the most goalies between 1999 and 2009, have 7 years left of Ilya Bryzgalov, and traded away a current Vezina nod. You cruel unforgiving bitch Goalie Magic.



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